One Time For Your Mind

Recent statements/questions/what have you's that need to be published somewhere:

(These will all be made into Them Vs. Me format)

Them: "Passover's like, a big deal for the Israelis, huh?"
Me: "Yes. Yes it is. Also for Jews everywhere."
T: "Every year, or just this year?"
M: "Every year."
T: "So what do you do for it? You eat the matzah-bread stuff, right?"
M: "Yeah. The matzah stuff. It's not bread, though. It's instead of bread."
T: "Sooo what, does it like, go on the bread? Or like, under the bread?"


T: "Israel is closed now? For big holiday?"
M: "Yes, many things are closed for Passover."
T: "And how long will Israel be closed? Will Israel be closed forever?"


T: "What does Passover have to do with Easter?"
T: "Nothing, it's for Jews."
M: "Jesus's last supper was a Passover seder."
T: "Um...are you sure? Because he was Christian I thought..."


Not all who wander may be lost, but not all who are lost should wander, maybe.

Manyanim?

Writing to you from Florentine in Tel Aviv, where I've been staying for the past two nights.*

*Actually now I'm on Ben Yehuda in Tel Aviv, I changed hostels because Florentine, though cool, is really fucking far away from shit I like.

So far I've seen Les Claypool and Randy Pressman, crashed a roof party and eaten more falafel and baklava than I ever expected to.
I also bought more earrings from my favorite jewelry vendor in the market on Nachalat Binyamin, and went to Shuk Ha'Carmel to eat all that baklava, which was, in hindsight maybe not the best of ideas.
Also I bought new naots and met a nice couple from Buenos Aires who humored me and let me try to communicate with them.
The only negative I have to mention is the weather.
It's been raining for the past two days and that is more or less bullshit.
Otherwise, I'm enjoying myself.

Best nugget of international English to date:
When reporting about some drunk Frenchman who came in late last night and how he couldn't find the right room, one of the Swedes told us:

"I told him where his bed was but he was just going around grabbing other people's privates."

(Privates = private double rooms)

I've been feeling pretty ready to pack it in, just because 4 months is a long time and as I mentioned, I think I've essentially gotten what I wanted out of my travels. I'm also still waiting for a definitive kibbutz placement and have heard more than a few atrocious reviews of the kibbutz program.
So...we'll see how much longer I stay away.

On that note, chag sameach v'l'hitraot.

This Year In [Ben Gurion Airport]

And now it's onto Israel.
I'll be flying into Tel Aviv tomorrow and hopefully placed on a kibbutz sometime within the next week where I'll spend the next two and a half to three months.
Where I'll be, I don't know.
What I'll be doing, I don't know.
But I'll definitely be somewhere in the [broken] promised land.
(Credit goes to Max Bemis, Google him)

This last leg of the trip is one I'm really looking forward to, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also looking forward to it because it is the last leg.
In some ways, I already feel very done.
I guess I could use the word accomplished, but it's more done than anything.
Done in the way a turkey is done: it's cooked through. It's not burned and it's not raw.
It's done.
I won't say I'm finished, because what the hell is finished?
Who's ever finished?
But I think I am done, or nearly done, and I'm eager to have some time in one place to collect myself.

Relatedly, I've been reflecting on the last 4 months of my trip lately and it just dawned on me just how much I've done;
I've done so much.
I've seen so much.
I've learned so much.

I think a big reason for that has been that I've listened, watched and generally experienced a lot more than I've spoken, which is a new thing for me.
It's amazing how much you can do/see/learn, and how many different types of people you can meet, when you're not running your mouth.
Not that I'm done running my mouth. Gimme a break.
But the fact is, sometimes, being a participant observer puts you in the best spot to experience what's there to experience.
Way to go, Bronislaw Malinowski!

Things I've learned:
-how to speak international English/how to curse in German and Swedish/how to incorporate the non-English speakers in a conversation so that no one feels left out
-how to gracefully bow out of the awkward conversation that results from incorporating non-English speakers after you've exhausted all of the German and Swedish curse words you know
-how to subsist on pasta, rice, white bread, carrots and peanut butter for 28 days straight
-how to pack a wet towel so that it does not mildew
-how to shower (including washing your dreadlocked Jewfro and shaving your legs) in cold water that drips from a hole in the wall that comes to your elbow at its highest point, for a week
-how to not get offended when people repeatedly tell you, "but you're so...you don't even look Jewish! I mean it!"
-how to [appropriately] offend overzealous English blokes when they fancy you a bit too much
-how not to absolutely lose it when you overhear your roommates discussing which of their stripper names (because they're all apparently strippers) are "too trashy" and which names are "too classy"

Things I've lost:
-super nice leather bound journal
-sleeping bag
-raincoat
-favorite Israeli flag Havaianas and 6 year-old naots
-shitty iPod headphones
-any sense of modesty when changing in 24-bed co-ed dorms
-countless loofas and toothbrushes
-maybe 5 pounds
-ability to metabolize tequila

Things I've gained:
-cheap cardboard-backed journal
-new sleeping bag
-new raincoat
-$3 flip flops with neon palm trees all over them
-new really nice headphones due to Tom's sweet Sennheiser warehouse job
-sensibility as to when it's appropriate to change in a 24-bed co-ed dorm
-countless loofas and toothbrushes
-at least 5 pounds
-ability to get free shots of gin*

*whether this only applies in the southern hemisphere remains to be seen

So, I'm back in Sydney for all of 48 hours.
Then I board my flight to Tel Aviv by way of Hong Kong then Istanbul.
Guess who's excited about spending the next two days in international airports!

Auckland, AKA The Land of Auck

Believe it or not, the end of March is nigh.
This nigh-ness gives me all kinds of mixed feelings, which is to be expected.
After all, I've fallen in love with New Zealand.
And since neither of us want to do long distance, one of us will have to leave.
I have a strong feeling it's going to be me...but what do I know? I'm terrible at relationships. LOL?

So, I'm spending my last few days in Auckland, which is the largest city in New Zealand with a whopping 1.2 million people, or 1/4 of the entire population of the country.
Everyone forewarned me about how sucky Auckland was as a city, but I think everyone needs to lay off the haterade because so far, I have no problem with it.
Sure, it's not earth-shatteringly amazing, like New York, but let's be fair.
There's only one New York. And it's in New York.

As you may recall from my last post, I was on my way to hike the Tongariro Crossing from Taupo.
Bad news: I didn't make it.
Due to a mix of very cold, rainy weather with 70-80 km/hour winds and general idiocracy on the part of my tour bus operators, I spent the day and night in a pretty sweet hostel at the foothills of the mountains, so things weren't a complete wash.
In order to get back to Taupo in time to catch my bus to Auckland, I had to hitch a ride and woke up at 4:15am to do so.
But, the woman who drove me was awesome and brought both her dog and cat along for the ride so all the stress and frustration caused by the bus company was absolved.

Let the record show: [domesticated] animals fix [all of] my problems.

So now I'm in Auckland until the 22nd, when I fly to Sydney and say hi to Justin and Amanda for a day until I hop a plane to Israel.
So far, I've done a lot of walking around and have been reintroduced to many of my previously dormant leg muscles because Auckland is one hilly sonofabitch.

Last night was St. Paddy's Day and since I woke up so early that morning, I only had it in me to put on a green shirt and drink 2 green beers before I headed to bed by midnight.
But I did meet a Californian who asked me to dance to the only Garth Brooks song the bar would play, and when I said no because I wasn't so into this song/rodeos/Sarah Palin, he told me to wait a second, spoke to the DJ, and the next song that came on was something by Nickelback.
He looked at me as if this was an improvement; I told him I needed to use the facilities, so I left the bar, went to another and used their restroom.

Then I went to sleep while the rest of the city drank and swayed in a collective embrace of Irish cultural stereotypes.

On that note, I'm headed to bed again.
It's been a pretty busy month.

Volcanic Activity/Everything Smells Like Beer Farts

I'm now in Taupo, which is a beautiful town that sits on Lake Taupo, the largest lake in all of NZ.
Before that, I was in Rotorua which is the most geothermally active place in the world, I think.
What that means is that in addition to being really cool and having these bubbling, boiling mud pools all over, it also smells like eggs and beer farts everywhere because there's so much sulphur in the air.
(Family---it smells like the entire town is engulfed in a cloud of Jane farts.)

Tomorrow I set off for the Tongariro Crossing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongariro_Alpine_Crossing, and I'm pumped.
Then I go back to Auckland for a few days and then back to Sydney for a second until Tel Aviv/the general land of Israel for 3 months.

Excited excited excited!

"My Nutrition Levels Have Disappeared."

Just re-read some of my old posts and I can't believe I haven't discussed the food I've eaten at length. What the hell.

In addition to all the jumping off of and out of things that NZ has been, this has also been a really delicious epicurean trip.

First of all, the meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken, goat, ostrich, lama, venison...and kangaroo for Australia's sake) is legitimately free range and hormone free, because when your entire country only has like 25 people (give or take 4 million) living in it, you don't need to produce the ridiculous quantities that places like the USA does.
So, meat just tastes better because in my head, the animals are living happier lives.
With accents.

The fruit and vegetable selection isn't so different from home, except some things are cheaper because they're local, such as avocado, mango, kiwi, and apples. The apples here vary like crazy but for the most part, the Sundowners and Cox's Orange Pippin are my favorites. (If you were unaware, I have a thing for apples.)

There's a lot of trans-Asian cuisine so lamb/chicken/beef satay is big. I like that.
Also, sushi is big. And cheap. Because the fish is caught 20 feet away sometimes. And the sushi comes in these long rolls that are more reminiscent of an open-ended egg roll than the circle things I've had back in the States. I like that, too.

And, for the most part, the breads are just excellent. Not the sandwich shit you have to buy at the cheapo Pak N' Save because you can't afford the other cheap shit at the more elite supermarkets, but the breads you buy at bakeries, of which there are many. Bakeries are everywhere, and people use them. Daily-baked fresh bread is as easy to find here as unclear-as-to-when-this-was-actually-made-Chinese-food is in delis in NYC.

The sandwiches are typically ham-based. Ham and cheese and tomato, ham and cheese and pineapple, ham and cheese and cheese and ham. They also use a lot of avocados and chicken and tomato, which I think is a great idea. Eggs and ham and cheese and tomato, also common.

The meat pie is a big thing here, an obvious leftover from the Brits and the Irish and the like. I have to be honest, meat pie makes me dry heave. I've tried all kinds of combinations---steak and mushroom, mince meat, potato and meat, cheese and meat, whathaveyou---and they're all too salty and generally just too much for me. But if you're poor (I am) and you need sustenance (I do) and you have $3.50 most of the time (I hope), then meat pies are a pretty frequent meal.

The pizza here is generally a travesty, and any sort of "red sauce" dish is just unacceptable.
I miss Villa Maria's.

The side dishes are usually pretty potato-based; fries are called chips and chips are called crisps. They're all pretty good. Wedges are by far the favorite child of all potato sides. But let the record show that Fuel and Fuddle still holds the no. 1 spot for most incredible sweet potato fries.

Also---the sauces are worth mentioning. The sweet chili sauce is incredible. Ketchup, or "tomato sauce," is not. There's no mustard to speak of, which, in my opinion, is disgusting.

As for desserts, they know what the hell they're doing.

The ice cream is creamier---by which I mean, low fat and sugar free and diet-friendly ice cream is much harder to find. Which is good, because ice cream is not diet-friendly. If you're dieting, don't eat ice cream. That's a diet.

But they make this real fruit ice cream that has quickly become my favorite way to spend $5.00: it's either plain vanilla or plain chocolate ice cream with frozen fresh fruit---blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, boysenberries, blackberries, peaches, mangos, etc---blended in. Incredible. And if you want, you can mix them all in at once. Don't though, it's only going to let you down.

Moving on to other desserts, I should mention the Pavlova. I thought this was an Australian thing since Justin made it, but apparently it's originally a Kiwi delicacy. Basically it's just egg whites and sugar and cream and fruit, and I can't explain it in any other terms besides: diabetic.

I've saved the best for last, by which I mean: Vanilla Slice.

Slices are the general southern hemispherical term for what we northerners might call bars or brownies, and they're all Really Fucking Good. The Vanilla Slice, however, is in a league of it's own. It looks really plain and sort of boring, but it's not. It's not, whatsoever. On the bottom, it's got a sort of pie crust/pastry dough/cookie consistency that's really buttery and almost salty and flakey enough but not too flakey. Then it's got this vanilla pudding kind of thing but it's a bit firmer, almost a mix of pudding and batter. Then there's another layer of the pie crust/phyllo dough, then another layer of pudding. And then, it's topped with this incredible vanilla frosting that almost defies description: it's firm but gooey, sort of like carrot cake frosting mixed with whipped cream. Or something. If anyone knows where this can be procured in the USA, please let me know. It's the one reason I sometimes look at the real estate postings in the information centers in little out of the way towns we stop at to use the public toilets.

Unrelated to food, I recently went Zorbing (Google it) and caving and saw glow worms and taught our 19 year-old tour guides the correct chorus to "Juicy" by Biggie Smalls.
I also got to eat a traditional Maori dinner (which was pretty much picnic foods...?) and learned a little about their culture, which, like the aboriginal people of Australia, has been wiped out and then restored poorly, by white people. Go white people, go.

Unrelated to any of that, I also just got into a fight with a douchey gap year-aged Welsh kid named Paul who, after I told him I was from the USA, asked me if I knew where Wales was with a very smug look on his face, and when I said, "yeah, do you know where the States are?" told me, "Yeah, it's that country with all those [n-words], right?" Way to go, Welsh kid.

Your Heritage is Peace

I'm in Kaikoura again after 4 glorious days in Queenstown.
I do not hesitate or exaggerate when I say Queenstown is the coolest place I have ever and might ever see in real life.

It was everything everyone said it would be plus a really pretty rose garden no one told me about.
I spent the first night catching up on some relaxation and much needed re-packing of my bag. EXCITING.
The days were spent wandering around the city and various gardens and coastal walking tracks.
And it's a good thing I was so "active" because Queenstown is famous for one of the best foods ever created: the Fergburger.
The Fergburger almost defies description. Which is why I'm glad they have a website: http://www.fergburger.com/fullscreen.html
It's almost like a Fathead's sammich, except that Fathead's has a larger array to choose from and part of the Ferg-appeal is the size, which is massive.
Clearly, if I'm spending time recounting the experience here, it was deadly.

My last day was spent cruising through Milford Sound, which was a gorgeous way to see such a place.
My pictures will be up soon so you can all agree about how gorgeous it is.

My last night was spent visiting many of the 300 bars and clubs the city has to offer, and I learned the secret to getting free shots of gin from bartenders.
Part of the secret is knowing who Sid the Kid is.
There are more parts of the secret but like I said, I got free shots of gin, so they will remain a secret. To me, especially.

Needless to say, I got to experience both the natural beauty and night life Queenstown has on offer, and it rules.

Unrelatedly, I saw this sign in front of the Kaikoura Memorial Centre that said, "Your heritage is peace" (translated from a Maori saying) and it made me stop and think.
Very rarely do I think of my heritage in a way that doesn't involve civil unrest or war or immigration [due to war] or something along those lines. Not because my family is super contentious, but because the history I've been taught always focused on who was in charge of whom and when.
I guess there is a difference between history and heritage semantically speaking, but if you're taught to be proud of being peaceful, maybe your history wouldn't be so full of facts about wars?

And The Sweet Assity Continues

Hello, my adoring public.

So many things have happened since I started my New Zealand trip, I had to look through my pictures to remember everything...

I started in Christchurch, which was terrific. I really enjoyed that city and the people I met there were great. I also found the kosher bagel place.

Then I went to Kaikoura and started my Stray bus trip, which lets me jump on and off wherever/whenever I want to. Kaikoura was GORGEOUS, sort of similar to Byron Bay in Australia but much, much smaller and with much, much fewer batshit insane people. Although, I did run into Camilla (the crazy ass receptionist ho from Byron who ruined my time there) and I pretended not to see her. At first I stared to make sure it was her, then decided it was her, then feigned a fascination with the community notice board advertising bait and tackle.

Then from Kaikoura I went to Picton and headed down to Abel Tasman to hike a gorgeous and lengthy 28 km coastal walk. It took about 7 hours and it was absolutely beautiful.
I also met a group of Washington Staters who were great (my second group of Washington Staters thus far---they're such a nice breed!) and we went to the one bar in Abel Tasman and partook of the open mic night they had going on.
I don't know how to explain what I saw/heard/generally experienced unless I used the words heady, vegan, and patchouli and also wookie.
There was a marionette performance and a woman who sang Czech songs and a band that covered the theme song to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" for about 25 minutes and also a song that goes, "I don't like cricket---I LOVE IT."

Then onto Punakaiki to see some pancake rocks, which was cool but not that cool, and then we went to Barrytown. Barrytown, like many of the towns along the west coast of the south island, used to be a big town with a lot of gold rushers but since the rush has died down, so has the population growth. In fact, Barrytown is now home to a whopping 42 people. So, we had a nice dinner and drank a lot of BazVegas homebrew beer and dressed up in ridiculous costumes and had a party. Theme: I Can't Believe You Came To My Party Dressed Like That. I wore a leotard and spandex pants and old-school Adidas sneakers and called myself Jane Fonda. People went with it. I taught people how to do the Running Man (Banin, you would have been PROUD). It was an absolute BALL.

Then we went to Franz Joseph Glacier where we were going to go on a full day glacier hike, but it was rained out and got canceled. I was really disappointed, since I was about to walk on a glacier, but we still had a nice time watching the USA lose to Canada in hockey. I represented the USA very well and reminded everyone I saw without being asked which country in North America was also called Just America. We drank that night away and had a general great time.

Then we drove to Makarora which was ehh. But! Early that morning, I JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE. I decided to do it a while ago and spoke to an Alaskan who told me that Fox Glacier was the most beautiful place to jump, so I went on his advice and he was right. Let the record show that he might be the only Alaskan worth listening to (THAT'S A PALIN DIG, DAD. READ IT AND WEEP). The jump was a lot more peaceful than I expected it to be, and I got to see the earth in a way I've never experienced before. New Zealand is a goddamn beautiful place, and after having jumped out of a plane and seeing it so personally, I feel so fortunate that I was able to come out here and experience the nature it has to offer. I jumped through a cloud into a circular rainbow which my Brazilian guide explained in broken English "happens not much often" and that was amazing. I also got to see Fox Glacier, Mount Cook and Mount Tasman, so technically, I saw a glacier up close and personal. Makarora was a bit of a let down after all that. It's a pretty place but felt kind of stupid to stay there when we could've gone straight through to Queenstown or Wanaka in an hour's time. We had a karaoke night and I sang a lot of Neil Diamond. Basically it was good.

Then I decided to take a day off from the crazy and spent a night in Wanaka which was BEAUTIFUL. It has so far been my absolute favorite part of the trip (scenery-wise) because it's just breathtaking. The pictures I took don't do it justice but trust me when I say it made me want to recycle so our future generations might have the chance to see such a place.

And today I JUMPED OFF OF A BRIDGE. I can't explain how incredible it was to just free fall off of a perfectly stable structure into nothingness and then water, but I'll try. Imagine learning that you have wings and that you can only use them for the next 30 minutes. Obviously, you're going to want to use those wings, especially because you know you won't be able to use them later (wings = balls, or guts) so you have a choice: fly or be lame. So, I flew and it was BRILLIANT. Very easily the most incredible experience I've ever had. The adrenaline rush was great and my video and pictures are pretty hilarious. I screamed a lot of obscenities and the watching public had to cover their children's ears. I spent the first half of the jump just screaming "FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK" and then once I hit the water and came back up I [apparently though I don't recall doing so] ordered everyone to "SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and when one of the staffers asked one of the others if I was ok, they replied with, "Yeah, I think she's just from New Jersey." And they all said, "oh."

Now I'm in Queenstown. It's beautiful and cool and though I've never been to Colorado, probably it's like some parts there? I really like being so close to the mountains and the terrain here is like nothing I've ever actually seen in the real. I've learned that I much prefer a good walk through the woods to a day at the beach (maybe a walk through the woods to the beach?) and am seriously considering becoming very rich so as to afford a vacation home somewhere here. It's just that incredible. I sort of regret spending so much time in Australia and not spending 2 months there and 2 months here, but, c'est la vie. Live and learn. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Just gives me a reason to come back and do what I haven't had time for or couldn't afford. Could be worse.

Sending love from all the way across the world!