And The Sweet Assity Continues

Hello, my adoring public.

So many things have happened since I started my New Zealand trip, I had to look through my pictures to remember everything...

I started in Christchurch, which was terrific. I really enjoyed that city and the people I met there were great. I also found the kosher bagel place.

Then I went to Kaikoura and started my Stray bus trip, which lets me jump on and off wherever/whenever I want to. Kaikoura was GORGEOUS, sort of similar to Byron Bay in Australia but much, much smaller and with much, much fewer batshit insane people. Although, I did run into Camilla (the crazy ass receptionist ho from Byron who ruined my time there) and I pretended not to see her. At first I stared to make sure it was her, then decided it was her, then feigned a fascination with the community notice board advertising bait and tackle.

Then from Kaikoura I went to Picton and headed down to Abel Tasman to hike a gorgeous and lengthy 28 km coastal walk. It took about 7 hours and it was absolutely beautiful.
I also met a group of Washington Staters who were great (my second group of Washington Staters thus far---they're such a nice breed!) and we went to the one bar in Abel Tasman and partook of the open mic night they had going on.
I don't know how to explain what I saw/heard/generally experienced unless I used the words heady, vegan, and patchouli and also wookie.
There was a marionette performance and a woman who sang Czech songs and a band that covered the theme song to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" for about 25 minutes and also a song that goes, "I don't like cricket---I LOVE IT."

Then onto Punakaiki to see some pancake rocks, which was cool but not that cool, and then we went to Barrytown. Barrytown, like many of the towns along the west coast of the south island, used to be a big town with a lot of gold rushers but since the rush has died down, so has the population growth. In fact, Barrytown is now home to a whopping 42 people. So, we had a nice dinner and drank a lot of BazVegas homebrew beer and dressed up in ridiculous costumes and had a party. Theme: I Can't Believe You Came To My Party Dressed Like That. I wore a leotard and spandex pants and old-school Adidas sneakers and called myself Jane Fonda. People went with it. I taught people how to do the Running Man (Banin, you would have been PROUD). It was an absolute BALL.

Then we went to Franz Joseph Glacier where we were going to go on a full day glacier hike, but it was rained out and got canceled. I was really disappointed, since I was about to walk on a glacier, but we still had a nice time watching the USA lose to Canada in hockey. I represented the USA very well and reminded everyone I saw without being asked which country in North America was also called Just America. We drank that night away and had a general great time.

Then we drove to Makarora which was ehh. But! Early that morning, I JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE. I decided to do it a while ago and spoke to an Alaskan who told me that Fox Glacier was the most beautiful place to jump, so I went on his advice and he was right. Let the record show that he might be the only Alaskan worth listening to (THAT'S A PALIN DIG, DAD. READ IT AND WEEP). The jump was a lot more peaceful than I expected it to be, and I got to see the earth in a way I've never experienced before. New Zealand is a goddamn beautiful place, and after having jumped out of a plane and seeing it so personally, I feel so fortunate that I was able to come out here and experience the nature it has to offer. I jumped through a cloud into a circular rainbow which my Brazilian guide explained in broken English "happens not much often" and that was amazing. I also got to see Fox Glacier, Mount Cook and Mount Tasman, so technically, I saw a glacier up close and personal. Makarora was a bit of a let down after all that. It's a pretty place but felt kind of stupid to stay there when we could've gone straight through to Queenstown or Wanaka in an hour's time. We had a karaoke night and I sang a lot of Neil Diamond. Basically it was good.

Then I decided to take a day off from the crazy and spent a night in Wanaka which was BEAUTIFUL. It has so far been my absolute favorite part of the trip (scenery-wise) because it's just breathtaking. The pictures I took don't do it justice but trust me when I say it made me want to recycle so our future generations might have the chance to see such a place.

And today I JUMPED OFF OF A BRIDGE. I can't explain how incredible it was to just free fall off of a perfectly stable structure into nothingness and then water, but I'll try. Imagine learning that you have wings and that you can only use them for the next 30 minutes. Obviously, you're going to want to use those wings, especially because you know you won't be able to use them later (wings = balls, or guts) so you have a choice: fly or be lame. So, I flew and it was BRILLIANT. Very easily the most incredible experience I've ever had. The adrenaline rush was great and my video and pictures are pretty hilarious. I screamed a lot of obscenities and the watching public had to cover their children's ears. I spent the first half of the jump just screaming "FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK" and then once I hit the water and came back up I [apparently though I don't recall doing so] ordered everyone to "SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and when one of the staffers asked one of the others if I was ok, they replied with, "Yeah, I think she's just from New Jersey." And they all said, "oh."

Now I'm in Queenstown. It's beautiful and cool and though I've never been to Colorado, probably it's like some parts there? I really like being so close to the mountains and the terrain here is like nothing I've ever actually seen in the real. I've learned that I much prefer a good walk through the woods to a day at the beach (maybe a walk through the woods to the beach?) and am seriously considering becoming very rich so as to afford a vacation home somewhere here. It's just that incredible. I sort of regret spending so much time in Australia and not spending 2 months there and 2 months here, but, c'est la vie. Live and learn. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Just gives me a reason to come back and do what I haven't had time for or couldn't afford. Could be worse.

Sending love from all the way across the world!