Hello from The Future

A few thoughts:

-when you're lost in Sydney, chances are, so are 4 of the 5 people you ask directions from.
-never underestimate the power of lyrical knowledge when meeting new people. This is especially true with regard to Michael Jackson.
-USA colloquialisms are novel when said by non-USA residents. This is especially true with regard to the terms "word up" and "bitch, please."
-the words "take away" are synonymous with "take out" in other parts of the world, which is confusing when ordering take out.
-Thanksgiving tastes great no matter where you are, as long as there's a sweet potato involved.
-making friends with boys who have girlfriends is a risky venture, unless said girlfriend speaks little to no English and is far away. In short, boys who have girlfriends should date girls who live far away and don't speak English.
-taking the bus in another country is not nearly as difficult as it was in Pittsburgh.
-just because it's hot outside doesn't mean I can eat ice cream for every meal. Probably.
-even if it is Christmas time, hot chocolate in 100+ degree weather just doesn't make sense.
-the best part of waking up is apple juice in your cup, to an Australian.
-everyone will know you're an American if you ask for the rest room instead of the toilet.
-everyone will also know you're American if you say "I'm good" instead of "no thanks" in response to "would you like some more [apple juice]?"
-Subway (as in the sandwich shop---yes, they're all over the Western world) smells like Subway no matter where you are, which when you think about it, isn't as comforting as you'd hope, since Subway should smell like the ingredients and not...Subway. (This one's courtesy of Tom)

Some witty Sydneysider t-shirts I've seen on the Harbour Bridge:

"My other body is a temple. This one's a slut."

"Beer makes you smarter. It made Bud wiser."

[front]: I <3 Sydney
[back]: Your mother!

"Somebody who loves me went to Australia and got me this lousy t-shirt and it's too damn small!"--seen on a very fat child.



More to come.


Updated since Melbourne:

-of all the ironic Kenny Rogers shirts I've seen, none was more touching than the Obama-face Kenny Rogers shirt I saw on a very old Indian woman.
-Australians ask "how are you going?" instead of "how are you doing?" and I always stop and think about my directions, and they always stop and think it means "not good."
-calling fries "chips" does not change the fact that $5 for a small is just too much.
-Melbourne is the city of trams and it feels like I'm in Disney World all the time, which I like.
-if you call it "goon" and make a face after you drink it, for some reason, everyone will want you to pour them a cup.
-spending $40 for paella, even really good paella, sucks.
-Australians say "I reckon" like cowboys do in John Wayne movies.
-there's a "Princeton" and "East Brunswick" here which doesn't make me homesick but does make me worry that I'll run into someone I know until I remember I'm in Australia.

Updated since Cairns:

-just because someone says, "don't worry, you'll be fine" doesn't always mean it's true, with specific regard to diving.
-egregious Australian misspellings:
tyre vs. tire
learnt vs. learned
honour vs. honor
centre vs. center
aluminium vs. aluminum (fair, they are different words but still)
oreganno vs. oregano
-everyone is barefoot here, even the rich people.
-people in other countries love to hear about College.
-if you're from South Africa and don't tell me, I don't think it's fair to get offended if I can't tell you're not from Australia.
-you can tell a lot about a person by the way they load a dishwasher.
-there seems to be a dearth in the amount of public trash cans (called rubbish bins) and subsequently, too much garbage on the sidewalks.
-people walk left and pass right here, just like they drive.

Updated since Byron Bay:

-calling cotton candy "fairy floss" makes me want to buy all of it.
-carob-covered bananas might be the best thing I've ever eaten.
-every single Israeli does not know one another, but almost.

Thanksgiving And Other North American Things

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good turkey.

I'm currently writing from Tom's cousin's condo in Neutral Bay, Sydney.

For the record, Tom Manewitz might just be the best travel buddy ever created, if for no other reason than he knows and is related to the most hospitable people ever born.*
I know I exaggerate sometimes, but this is not one of those times.
Tom's cousin, Justin and his wife Amanda, are two of the warmest, most generous people I've ever had the privilege to meet.
They're letting me stay with them until I find a job and apartment of my own and have treated us both like family, even though I'm not related to them, at all.

*Tom's also good at navigating in new cities and making sure I know/putting up with me even though I'm a bad driver, and also he doesn't snore too loudly, so the reasons that make him a good travel buddy are many. Really though.

As for life beyond superb lodgings, I had my first interview today.
It was for a fund raising position similar to what I did my "last semester" in Pittsburgh, except the hours for this job will be far more substantial than that one.
I'll find out if I get it tomorrow but I have a decent feeling they'll offer it to me.
I think I'd rather do something a little different than harassing passersby to try to get them to support my causes.
Especially since I'm also kind of vacation?

The apartment hunt is a bit held up due to the fact that I don't know what I'll be doing/where I'll be working but I am actively searching.

Otherwise, things are great.
It's been beautiful weather and everyone I've met has given me a compliment of one kind or another.
Apparently, I look exactly like Lauren Conrad from "The Hills" which isn't something I'm necessarily proud of, but she's pretty, and so, I agree.

Justin and Amanda took Tom and I to Justin's company Christmas party last night in Darling Harbour which was really fun and my first time in the Harbour.
I met a lot of nice people who gave me great travel suggestions and were very funny.
Australians have a fantastic wit about them and it makes me feel right at home.
They also call finger foods, such as cocktail weenies and crackers and dip, "nibblies."
Come on.

The time difference has been a bit of a struggle but I've been able to speak to some of you and I miss you all muchly.
Amanda, who's American, is having Thanksgiving tomorrow (Friday for us...we're in the future) so I'll be thinking of you while I dig in to our turkey and stuffing and sweet potato casserole.

I Went to Hawaii and Forgot to Take Pictures of People

I just uploaded all my pictures from Hawaii, of which there are 35.

There are no pictures of anyone besides my pale, pale legs and a shot of me from far away.

I can't believe it either.

Also for those wondering, Men at Work does indeed sound great when you're in the land down under.
I know because that's all I've listened to for 3 days.
That and the Chili Peppers for good measure.
And also in case any Australians peep my iPod.
Gotta keep that street cred high.

Today I wandered around the city and got lost about 6 times.
You know how I do.

I wandered in and out of the financial district a lot; not much to report.
I also went to Hay Market, the Queen Victoria Building and other places.
Honestly, I just kept walking.
I finally figured out how to get back to my hostel from other streets than Bathurst though, so I feel successful.
(Those who know me know I work on autopilot and have trouble understanding logical shortcuts. This applies to foreign travel as well as domestic)

Ok, time to head over to Tom's cousin's house.
So long, super fancy hostel.*
Hello, barefooted showers!

*I just realized I haven't discussed my hostel stay as of yet.
I'm staying at Base which is more like a hotel than a motel than a hostel, since they have housekeepers and real linens and complementary towels and shower gels and shampoos and vending machines and a bar attached.
But they call it a hostel so, so will I.

It's been nice but a little bit overwhelming.
I was originally on the 2nd floor and then they made a mistake and bumped me to the 4th floor which is called "the sanctuary" because it's all female.
It's got nicer sheets, so I'm not complaining.
My sanctified room had 3 Germans, 1 Yorkshire girl and another person who never spoke.

The Yorkshire girl, Emily, was cool and we got to talking about future living situations, so we'll see where that goes.
Otherwise, the hostel's been a nice place to rest my head for 2 nights.

Cheers from The Land of Oz

Q: Guess who's in Sydney?
A: Me!


We flew in this morning at 8am and the flight took all of 11 hours, which isn't as long as it could've been had we flown direct from the Newer Jersey. We decided to stay out and not sleep for the flight since we had to be at the airport by 6am, which was both a great and terrible idea. Great in the sense that Hawaii is an amazing place to be, and terrible in the sense that 6am is no fun regardless of blood alcohol content level, but I assure you it is less than no fun when your BAC is not 0.

But back to my stay in Hawaii.
I'd be remiss to say that it was just fun.
It was, in fact, nothing but awesome; it may sound cliche but holy shit does that US territory rule.
Tom's friends were so hospitable I couldn't believe it and everyone I met was either cool, an ultimate frisbee* player and/or both.
Needless to say, I did a lot of cheering from the sidelines of games I didn't quite follow.
I'm so good at watching other people play sports.
I also did a lot of hiking and biking and sitting on the most beautiful beaches I've ever been to.
I love Hawaii.

*Ultimate frisbee is a sport where people chase plastic discs across fields and afterwards they drink beers and have parties.
I like to watch the players chase discs but have no real concept of how the game works.

The flight to Sydney was fine, minus the fact that there were twins of maybe 5 years old wearing identical horizontal striped shirts who had no concept of an inside voice. So that could've been better.
But really, no complaints.
We got to Sydney and all is good.

For those interested, it's currently about 41 degrees Celcius which is more or less BALLS HOT in Farenheit...roughly 102 degrees to be exact. Obviously, I love my life but am also, obviously, a little chilly.

Tomorrow starts the work/housing assistance portion of this whole experiment and I'm looking forward to that.
Who knows, maybe they have a lot of old people who need someone to tell them terrible jokes and tell them they look 25 years old?
That is my specialty.

Ok, my ability to type in full sentences is gone.
More later.


Also:
Skype me! Youmissabby.

Miss and love and OJ's glove,

El Alfajore Grande.

"Pupu" Means Delicious

Well, well, well. Here we are in Honolulu.
I used the royal "we" just then because a man on the street just called me his queen.
Appropriate.

So far, I've seen beauty everywhere I've looked. Pretty good stats, no?
Went to Pipeline and stumbled upon a pro surf tourney sponsored by Reef, called the Triple Crown, but there were no horses or early bird diners.
I guess Hawaii does things differently than Queens.
Needless to say, I am now osmotically badass.
Watching professional surfers does that to you, you know.

I'm using my fancy new iPod to write this blog and so far, so good.
My only complaint is the way it auto corrects things.
Sometimes I don't want to capitalize skit. Shit. See what I mean?

Rest assured, I'm sunburnt in awkward places and I've eaten my fair share of what Hawaiian cuisine has to offer.
I tried poi last night, which was purple but did not taste like something purple.
It made my tongue itch. Apparently it does that.
I also ate some delicious shrimp from a truck on the side of the road.
My faith in street food has been restored.
Still don't trust that cart on the corner of 31st and 6th though.
No, indeed, Mr. Jaffar.

So, that's my news.
I leave for Sydney on Saturday AM and will update once I'm able.

Go Steelers, in general, and I miss and love you if you're reading this!

1 WEEEEEEEEEEEK til Blast Off

Please see above.

Funny Things My Grandpa Says/Does/Thinks

I'm making this list here so I can keep adding to it. It's probably not interesting to anyone reading this (not that anyone is reading this):


1. "I never buy green bananas. I never know if I'll be around to eat them when they ripen."


2. "I don't bet with money, I make mind bets, so I don't lose any money, I just slowly lose my mind."


3. Yiddish words and axioms:

-Kikum Oon which means, get a load of this guy!
-Drek treftzuch which means, shit happens.
-Azoy which means, so?
-Pisha which means, pisser.
-Mitten drinnen which means, meanwhile, down on the ranch...
-Schnorrer which means, you cheap bastard.
-Machoishek which means, you're busting my balls and I can tell.
-Gai cach affen yam which means, go take a shit in the ocean!
-Ongeblozzen which means, who died and made you holier than thou?
-Kish mich in tuches und gai in drerd arein which means, kiss my ass and go to hell!
-Vildeh choleria which means, beast of cholera! (usually said in regards to my dog)
-K'nacher which means, well aren't you a show-off? (usually said in regards to my dad when discussing coupons and other discounts)

4. Whenever he farts, he either says: "bombs away!" or "tight shoes."


5. He calls me his little sweet potato, and when I piss him off, he offers me a knuckle sangawich.


6. Instead of, "then what?" he always says, "what then?"


7. He hates the bum Mets but is their biggest fan.


8. When in doubt, baked potato


9. He's not old, he's just old-er.


10. He can throw a ball higher than anyone I've ever met/will ever meet.


11. He told me my skin would clear up just as soon as I start shaving.


12. Fred Flintstone has coined most of his expressions, including but not limited to, "yabba dabba dooooo!"


13. He doesn't play any instruments except the radio.


14. Any time you ask him what's new, he either says, "nothing, whatsoever" or "New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico and New York."


15. When looking for a lady friend, whom he will unfailingly call "cook," the following requirements apply:

-must drive at night
-must leave the toilet seat UP
-no snoring
-rich
-no flatulating in bed

16. His lucky number is 6.


17. He likes to ask, "who created God?" at inopportune times.


18. He taught me to eat the entire apple because "during the Depression, you knew to enjoy your apple cores." Waste not, want not.

19. Whenever he would fight with my grandma, his go-to response was always "who's the boss!?" And she would respond, "not you!"


20. Toity-tree instead of 33.


21. "And how!"


22. He doesn't buy new shoes for the same reason as green bananas.


23. For the past 4 months, whenever he asks about my travels he asks me, "Met any rich doctors? Not witch doctors, I said! RICH doctors!" And then he laughs so hard you'd think Richard Pryor said it.


24. He eats faster than any human on Earth.


25. He is the only other person who empathizes with and understands my digestive tract.

They're on a Need-to-Know Basis

In case you were wondering, yes, this is my favorite band. Ever. Observe:

www.speechwritersllc.com





Unrelatedly---12 days until blast off! EXCITED EXCITED EXCIIIIITED