Self Awareness Awareness, or, Ugh.

Lately, I've noticed that most of us are totally full of crap. We say things like "certainly" and "wonderful" and "impact," and almost never mean any of it.

I sign work emails like this:

"Best,
Abby"

Sometimes, when I don't like the person I'm emailing, I'll send this instead:

"Best.
Abby"

I purposefully put that "." in there, or I even leave it out, altogether (be still, my English Literature degree) but hope it looks like a slip of the pinky, because I can't close my professional emails with something as honest as:

"Please re-read this because you're an idiot and will ask me something I already explained, I know it,
Abby"

Or

"This is not your calling,
Abby"

When I was little and people asked me what I wanted to be as a grown up, I said that I either wanted to be a dinosaur, or a cashier. In hindsight, and now that I know a little bit about evolution, I still wish I were a cashier. I was one, once. Cashiers have the most fun. They have a satisfying job and they get paid to press buttons and people watch. They're also encouraged to wear sneakers to work.

I know this isn't an original idea, that we're all full of crap. But sitting in my over-air conditioned office today and exchanging emails and "following up" about things that really don't matter has turned this unoriginal idea into a suffocating and blinding truth.

So, now what? Now that I know the suffocating and blinding truth, now what?

Now, I will arrange my thumbtacks into a smiley face, because I am an adult and I have to work for a living.