I've been thinking a lot lately. I've also been thinking a lot lately about time. Not in an existential way, really. More in an experiential way. I guess.
Something about this summer (and year as a whole) felt quicker than summers past, and it's the first time I've ever been sad to get older. If you know anything about me, you know how much I love the aging process. I don't presume to kid when I say that I'd rather spend my time with octogenarians than nearly anyone else, and I'm honestly looking forward to getting older myself--if for no other reason than: it's definitely going to happen, so it's better to embrace it than run from it.
And yet. And yet, this summer, I'm sad. I'm sad to grow older and subsequently grow away from my youth. I've never thought about it like that, and I'm sorry I just did, but it's the truth. The older you get, the further you grow. And, the further you grow, the less young you become. Science is a hell of a Thing.
What's more is that we seem to have surrounded ourselves with time. Literally, everywhere you look (at least in NYC), there's the time. On subway platforms, in the trains themselves, on your wrist, on your iPod, on your phone, on your computer screen, and even on the wall. You can't escape it. How many times do I turn on some device only to have to turn it back on again three seconds later because I forgot to check the time. I forgot to check the time, and it was right there!
And yet. And yet, I never seem to know what time it is. Is it possible that it's become so ubiquitous, so entirely everywhere, that Time as a Thing--a Thing Which Can Be Known--has almost completely faded into the background of my day-to-day? Has Time become a nuisance like the homeless people I pass throughout my day and give little more than a one-sided smile to, which I do to make me feel better since I know it doesn't help them in the least, but I somehow can't stop doing it, because it's my way of acknowledging that they're still People even if they don't feel like they're part of the rest of People?
No. Time isn't a nuisance. Time is a really, really big tidal wave that crashes on the shore in the middle of the night and washes every footprint and sand castle away, leaving fresh, like-new sand in its wake. The next day, you forget that there used to be sand castles where you plant your umbrella. And the day after that. And the day after that. Until suddenly, you forget that the waves come at all.
You are so good at saying what I'm feeling. This summer came and went without my realizing it and seasons have a way of throwing time in your face.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm, not quite an octogenarian LOL, but hopefully getting there, I understand what you are saying but have never seen it expressed like this before. Its a different insight to the process of getting older and all I can add is that the passage of time gets faster the older you get.
ReplyDeleteThere was a film many year ago, Stop The World I Want To Get Off, well, life getting older is sometimes like that, but it just keeps on speeding up. Days merge into weeks, weeks into months it all passes by in a haze, good post though.